When you take a walk down memory lane
and realized how different things are
Sometimes it scares me.

1.5,17,68

If I knew then
what I knew now
I would've done it differently.

It is as scary as it can get
But
Whenever you are offered 2 choices,
Take a chance.

Take a leap
Fall
Don't worry too much.

No more

Dear,
I hope I could find back your joy
and hand it back to you.

I hope I could find back your heart
keep it in the safest treasure box
and hand it back to you.

I hope I could find back your smile
and put it on your face.

I hope I could grab a thousand different colours of paint
and fill your days with colours.

I hope one day,
every pain will heal,
it's ok to have a scar,
it is the evidence of survival,
the prove that you are strong,
you are indeed,
a warrior.

Stay awake

When your past shouts louder than the present,
And you are flooded by this strange feeling,
People call it nostalgia.

There I am again,
Standing right there,
Doing the things I did,
Feeling the exact same feeling I once had.

Memories,
Such a strong hold on me.

Looking back at every turn that I took and the roads that I didn't take.
It all made a huge difference,
And I can never go back.

As the quiet night prolongs,
Let me dwell in my thoughts for awhile longer,
Just awhile longer,
Till the sun rises again,
And life goes on.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both 

And be one traveler, long I stood 

And looked down one as far as I could 

- Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

As I Stare Out Afar

Chilly night,
Street lamps,
People wandering,
Searching in the dark.

Things that we hold on,
Late nights,
Laugher filled days,
Surprises.

Heartaches,
Storms and thunders,
Uncalculated sacrifices,
These made us stronger.

And I wonder where are you,
Are you bracing the cold alone?
Or are you basking in the hot sun with your favourite tunes on?

I have never like the unknown.
Dangers,
Frauds,
Traps.

But who are you?
Unknown and yet I feel safe.
Where are you?

pillar

When my body fails me,
When my mind shuts down,
When my heart decides to give up,
What would You do?

Will you be able to save me?
Remind me
and
Pull me back into the safety of your arms?

Learning

For the past few weeks, I have truly learned a lot in the aspect of human interactions.
I have always read about God's Grace, God's love.
But I realized I never know how it felt, to be the one giving it.
Receiving it was easy. All I need to do, is receive.
However,
Being gracious, loving people,
It is not easy at all.

With stress sucking up every ounce of your patience,
The last thing in your head is to forgive or even tolerate the slightest irritant.
Putting myself in other person's shoes is a huge inconvinience.
When people take you for granted, hurt you with words as sharp as swords,
All you want to do is protect yourself with a shield and just run away.

Somehow, the thought of showing grace and love has been put into my mind last few months,
and I decided to take up the challenge.
And it was truly a huge challenge.
Some days, it drives me to the edge of my tolerance cliff.
This is when I realized how huge, how high, how amazing God's love and grace is.

However, when I manage to take it in,
Be gracious to people,
I feel good!

Sometimes, we might feel like we were taken for granted when we are being nice,
But, if everyone try to be gracious to other people,
Imagine how wonderful the world would be.
#Spreadthelove

I am still learning to be like You, Lord. Would you take me by my hand and guide me through?

I still need Your Grace, I still need Your love.

Rest Your Mind

Don't overthink it,
There are a lot of things that can't be explained,
That our minds can't comprehend.

So don't overthink it,
By faith,
Let things take its course.

The unseen, unfamiliar is scary,
And it is human reflexes that we keep fighting,
Keeping us save,
Keeping us alive,
"It is too unpredictable,
Better keep to the safe, familiar path."

In life, I've learnt to guard and keep things in control.
I have done it so well.
But I guess it's time for me to learn to appreciate the art of letting go.

Some people

This thing between us,
It seems like it never exists,
But when I see you,
Everything comes back like a flood.
Drowns me,
Takes my breath out of my lungs.

You broke down the walls I've built,
But as time goes by,
I start building them back again,
Brick by brick,
And when you showed up,
It tumbles back to flat ground.

I often ask myself why,
Why you always make me feel safe,
Why my worries seems insignificant whenever you are here,
And I can't seem to know why.

He knows what I like,
He has me in his hands,
He says I am predictable.
But other than him, people says they don't get me.
Then how could he?

Some people,
We just can't forget how they make us feel.

Rich & Poverty

When I read the Bible,
I am always amazed at how the followers of Christ would just leave behind what they have and follow Jesus.
They left their families, their jobs.
Without any question, without any doubt,
When they know that He is the Messiah,
They followed Him.
They know they have nothing to lose,
They know that the things they have on earth is just temporary.

When I look at my life,
I see how I have been holding on to the world.
I have so much,
But I always wants it better, want more.

In Mark 10:21-22,
The rich young man have difficulties in leaving his riches behind.
In the end, instead of following Jesus, he walked away.

This got me thinking,
How much I am going to miss out,
When I hold on to worldly treasures instead of keeping my eyes in eternal.

How marvelous , how boundless is Your love.

Patience. Faith.

It is tough, sometimes,
When it seems like it's taking too long.

I have been waiting for the moment,
Unfortunately, sometimes even start questioning.
When the dark thoughts set in,
I start to question myself,
My identity as a child of God,
My authority,
My Father's love.

But God,
You've been faithful.
Your constant reminder, reassurance,
Your hands trying to keep my heart at bay.

It is tough, sometimes,
To wait.
But it is gonna be worth it.

So let us seize and hold fast and retain without wavering the hope we cherish and confess and our acknowledgement of it, for He who promised is reliable (sure) and faithful to His word.

 -Hebrews 10:23 (AMP)

 

Father give me a heart that is strong in You,

that even storms cannnot shake it.

 

Let You in

You've been knocking,
You've been waiting,
You've been faithful.
Standing outside the walls I built,
You called out to me.
On the other side of the wall,
I am afraid of the unknown.
Oh how years' experience made me numb.

But You offered your hand,
You said You will walk with me,
You have plans,
To prosper me and not to harm me. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Tear down my walls, Father.
Give me faith.
Courage to face the unknown with You by my side.

The Spirit and bride say come for your beloved one.

Being away

"It's different. You got used to being away from them."

Well, I guess I should be right?
Been away for so long and I should get used to be without my parents.
But some things I will never get used to.
I will still be home sick
Whenever I think of them,
Whenever I see a photo on Facebook,
Whenever I have a bad day,
Whenever I am tired,
Whenever I miss mum's cooking or dad's pasta,
Whenever I feel so stressed and remember how mum always says it's okay.

I miss them
And everything that reminds me of them.

Just because I need to stay strong for them,
Just because I know crying doesn't help,
Just because I didn't say it doesn't mean I don't feel it.

I miss them more than ever, and I know it's ok.

I've played out a thousand scenes in my mind
How the conversation goes,
How you'd look at me with those eyes,
How you'd listen to me patiently,
How you'd reply my words,
How you'd laugh like a child.

Then I opened my eyes,
But you're not here.

Lets go

Do you remember?

"Lets drive to somewhere high and dark and quiet,
and just sit there whole night lying down staring at the stars."

"Yes lets go."

Save me

When darkness takes over
And my heart strats to break
When the pain is so great
And I start to run away
When things are suffocating
And my faith is shaking

I am sorry I have ran
I am sorry I was angry
I am sorry that You are not the first I go for comfort

My heart has harden
My ears are closed

But You still love me.
You still have a plan for me.

Will You come and save me?

 

Over the miles

Distance
such a scary thing.

Far away from everything familiar,
Far away from everything comfortable,
Far away from everything that once was your whole world.

When distance, time and busy schedules come in the way,
How does the relationship work?
Maybe we just got tired of taking the initiative,
Forgot about the colourful past,
About the memories we shared.

Late night talks,
Smiling faces,
Teary eyes,
All so precious,
All so beautiful.

Distance,
It's not just physical,
It's also the feeling of being a stranger.
It's the bare fangs, waiting to tear your heart out.

Heavy heart, heavy heart.

We are our own worst enemy

 

Letting go frees us from all the chains that are holding us down,

And bring us to another level,

A brighter tomorrow.

 

 

Guard my heart

Guard my heart
Because things are getting a little out of hand.
Lines are getting blurred,
And
In the brokenness,
The heart still skips.
For who?

I give it to You,

Guard my heart,

I give it all to You.

Guiding Light

Well the road is wide,
and waters run of either side,
and my shadow went with fading light,
stretching out towards the night.

'Cause the Sun is low,
and I yet have still so far to go, 
my lonely heart is beating slow,
tired of the wonder.

There's a sign ahead,
but I think it's the same one again,
and I'm thinking 'bout my only friend,
and so I find my way home.

When I need to get home 
you're my guiding light, 
you're my guiding light.

When I need to get home, 
you're my guiding light,
you're my guiding light.

Well the air is cold,
and yonder lies my sleeping soul,
by the branches broke like bones,
this weakened tree no longer holds.

But the night is still,
and I have not yet lost my will,
and so I will keep on moving 'till,
'till I find my way home.

When I need to get home, 
you're my guiding light,
you're my guiding light.

Picture credit: Ken Fisher Photography

Standing on a crossroad,
She doesn't know where to go.
Feeling lost,
She stretched her head out to see where the roads lead to.
Staring hard and long,
Eager to search for a sign
Which road should she take?

Knowing that once she chose, there's no turning back,
She dare not take a step.
Then a comforting voice spoke,
"Have faith, My child. Trust in Me."

With that assurance that she'll be in safe hands,
She started on the journey
It's like tiny lights in the dark,
Guiding her every step,
She knows she will get there safely.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

- Psalm 119:105

Journey

Looking back to where I was and where I am
You've brought me thus far
And I trust You with my tomorrows.

For I am weak
But You are strong.
You are good,
Always good.

"If the end is not glory, God will not even start on it."

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.- 1 Peter 5:7

I long to hear Your voice,

To be in Your embrace,

To know You more.

Take me deeper. 

Holy spirit come flood this place.

God's love

Such a long hiatus, but I am back in action!
---------------------------------------------------
In the darkest place,
You give me peace, love, hope.
Your love is like an ocean
So wide,
So deep,
So high.
And I can count on You to be there.
Through my brokenness,
My ugliness did not scare You away,
You give me Grace in return.

Oh Lover of my soul,
If not for You, where would I be.

You make beautiful things out of us.